It is about one year since I started the path of being enterpreneur. The path I chosen knowingly. I knew it would be tough. It was a ''andar ke feeling also ki bihar ke liye kuch karna hain. bahoot ho gaya logon kee sunte sunte ki tum bihari log to bahoot tez hote ho. to bihar me tum logon ko kaam karna chahiye. Lekin kaise karren. Bihar me hamare layak koi jobs hi nahi hain. Obviously I cant work for free or peanuts.'' Second reason was that we saw Bihar as an oppurtunity. It is a virgin market for all kind of services. People are fed up with lack of service delivery even by private sector let alone the government sector.
So, fired with zeal and enthusiasm , I quit my job at TATA AIG LIFE as Executive at Lucknow incharge of Rural Channel of East and Central UP. Corporate job is cushy , comfortable but senseless. I mean you are withdrawn in a rat race of promotion, perks, incentives and nothing beyond. A lollypop keeps hanging over your head and you jump like kids to lick that elusive lollypop. Just like ''zalebi race with your hands tied back''.
To secure me financially, I took up a consultancy in Uttarakhand NGO called AAROHI. I was trying to find job in Bihar but no one was willing to give me part time as I have opened my own NGO and suspected that I may develop contacts while working and get funding for my organisation. So, I managed somehow with the small consultancy fee that I was getting from Aarohi.
I needed to travel extensively to meet funder and donor agency. Last year 50% of my time was spent in train. We started with our own money and putting the use of home assets. Rasing fund for Bihar was tough. Every one is cynical. To my dismay that by virtue of registering my NGO, I joined the category of crooks. My family reputation went into tatters. Each arguement with my dad, mom, brother, sister ends in all requesting for me to take job and then heated arguement. My dad said very matter of fact that every one likes bhagat singh but when he is born in some other family. I said that I am not going to die. We will not fight criminals. We will not go against any power center. We want to do our own work. We are into microfinance . The microfinance operation is about 5 month old. Loan is being disbursed . Repayment are comning regulalry except 2-3 cases. We are gaining confidence. But the execution and fund raising stress is getting higher and higher. Whole one year of fighting against the tension is taking toll on my health. I am too alone. I cant talk to any one about my doubts. No one is there to soothe me or calm me. I ave friends who understand my situation. That is sole solace for me. Many people call me a Hero. role model. But the uncertainty are too much. Although the path that i have chosen is tough and I can sustain myself with small consultancy here and there. the financial security is pressing. I am travlling a path alone. I need support and help. Some one who can guide me about my work, Some one who can calm my frayed nerves. Its getting too much for me. Doing consultancy, Making business plans, accounting for money, mailing or spamming, updates, travelling, making people believe that we are genuinely wanting to do development of bihar. I want to see bihar as economic super power with good road, power etc. I know that I will achieve this dream. I need co warriors who can fight the war with me. Finding people who understand basic arithmatic is tough in Bihar. I find there is hidden employment with every youth preparing for competition exams from clerk to IAS and not considering himself unemployed. If asked , he will say'' hum abhi tayari kar rahe hai''. Bihar youth keep preparing for competition exams till 32 years of age. Only 10-20% get selected any where. Reamaining 80% bceome good for nothing who keep whining that I missed this exam or that exam or interview just for 1 marks. These 80% have made themsleved unfit for work. Then they do not like to do field work. They want to do the work of manager. This is a strange phenomenon in Bihar. Bihar needs fresh legs to work that only it will grow. Bihar can not be developed by people who have lost the fight of life and now only are vegetable and become suckers. We need to train this army of 32-35 year but do they feel the need of it. Can they work 24 hours a day.I dont know.
At this moment, I am feeling too tensed, mentally fatigued, worried , frustated with no one to share my mental agony for making my organisation grows. I know the morning is near and will reach there.
Please help...................................
